Is your morning anything like this?
The sun is still down when you wake to the hum of your alarm. You get up, wash your face, go to the bathroom, maybe write down three things you’re grateful for, and eat breakfast. Floating in your head this whole time though, are all of the things you have to do
- you have to complete the project at work
- you have to get groceries
- you have to workout
It’s early, yet you feel the pressure of a long day weighing down on you already… The day just started and you’re drowning in a sea of obligations.
It’s easy to get swept away in this wave of have to’s—they seem to populate your day.
Must it be this way though—waking up dreading things we do for work and health, for finance and family?
Maybe, but maybe not. With a simple tool—a shift in mindset—you can create a more productive approach to these obligations.
A Shift In Mindset
“Reframing your habits to highlight their benefits rather than their drawbacks is a fast and lightweight way to reprogram your mind and make a habit seem more attractive.” -James Clear
James Clear said the above quote in his book, Atomic Habits, and it’s a wonderful idea; it’s also a simple one that, unfortunately, is easy to ignore. All it takes is changing one word—you replace “have”, with “get.”
You don’t have to go to the gym, you get to.
You don’t have to visit a sick family member, you get to spend time with them.
You don’t have to pick up fresh veggies from the store, you get to.
You don’t have to work on that new project at work, you get to, and it allows you to provide for your family.
Because you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to—within reason—because you could skip the gym, or not pick up fresh vegetables from the grocery store; those are self-created obligations that you chose. No one is holding a gun to your head and making you go to the gym—at least, I hope not.
This isn’t purely semantics either, this mindset shift turns obligations into opportunities; it creates an attitude of gratitude that helps you appreciate what you have. This won’t magically make your workout easy, but it reminds you that you have the ability to make yourself stronger and healthier.
Now, this isn’t meant to make you feel bad about not wanting to workout, or dreading going to go to the grocery store; those feelings are normal. But, having that conscious shift in mindset can, as James Clear said, highlight the benefits rather than their drawbacks.
One more thing before I wrap this up though: finding ways to keep perspective—especially during the tough times—is a helpful mindset shift too.
Perspective
“Studying visual art, I figured I’d learn something about how to see—a really potent lesson for a kid who couldn’t change so much of what he was seeing. Perspective, that kind of alchemy we humans get to play with, turning anguish into a flower. “ -BJ Miller
Some time ago, I found myself watching BJ Miller’s TED talk. Miller, a doctor who works in palliative care at a hospice facility in California, lost three of his limbs when he was in college.
It would have been so easy for him to fall into a funk and do nothing with his life after; to wallow in his pain, refuse to accept what happened, and do nothing with his life. Instead, his passion in hospice is about, in his words, “Making life more wonderful, not just less horrible.” He turned pain into passion.
I know nothing I face today will be nearly as hard as what he had to go through—waking up in a hospital bed without 3 of his limbs. I get to go to the gym, write programs for clients, write blogs, and visit sick family members. Keeping perspective like this keeps me grounded; it makes me mindful of how good I truly have it. I’m living a life I choose and, honestly, one that I’m thankful for every day.
So, when things come about that you feel you have to do—when it feels you’re drowning in a sea of obligations—come up for some air; remind yourself:
I don’t have to do these things, I get to. Using this mindset shift, and keeping perspective in hard times, can help us turn obligations into opportunities.