“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A. Edison

 

Although it may sound counterintuitive, we often learn best not by learning what to do, but by learning what not to do. This goes for learning movements in the gym, our relationships, career, or anything else. We may not realize it at the time, and it may be frustrating in the present moment, but sometimes the lessons we didn’t want—the injuries, heartbreaks, and failures of all kinds—are the lessons we need.

Life is a teacher—harsh at times, sure, but helpful if we choose to learn from these events we didn’t want to happen. These “don’t wants,” or moments we wished turned out differently, can be immensely valuable. Once the initial dust settles from these experiences—and there is no time limit on how long that will take—we’re left with two options: we can wallow in this pain and sadness, or we can grow from it. I hope you choose to grow.

 

 

It is understandable though—in situations that are frustrating, painful, or annoying—to wish we didn’t go through them. That’s natural, especially if they’re still a part of our current lives. I’m not saying these things and events don’t suck, because they do. Although it’s possible to turn some negative experiences into a positive—to get more from these experiences than they take from us—it still hurts.

And I get it, we didn’t ask, nor did we want some of these harsh realities that life dishes out to us.

We don’t want a selfish father that isn’t there for us, but it teaches us what not to do when we become a father.

We don’t want to be in a toxic relationship with someone, but it teaches us what we don’t want in a partner, so that we can learn what we do want in a partner.

We don’t want to have pain during exercise, but sometimes that teaches us how not to do an exercise, so that we can learn to perform it correctly.

 

“Do not try to make things happen the way you want, but want what happens to happen the way it happens, and you will be happy.” Epictetus

 

To understand this another way, frame this through the lens of a scientist and their experiment. Scientists don’t run one experiment and scrap the whole idea if it doesn’t work. They wouldn’t get anywhere that way. Instead, if their experiment doesn’t prove their hypothesis, they try something else. By learning what didn’t work they’re one step closer to what could work.

 

 

Context In Fitness

This idea of seeing value in things we don’t want to happen can be seen in our coaching at BSP NOVA.  When coaching we don’t always jump into helping someone the second a rep looks a little wonky—assuming there’s not huge safety risk of course. We must understand what less ideal positions feel like to know what better positions feel like. To better understand this think of doing a standard plank.

We want to be in a tall and tight position (head, shoulders, hips, knees, and ankles in straight line) when planking, but what if we don’t know what that feels like? If we have someone purposefully go into macho man (arching lower back), then they have context for how that feels. Then, we can have them go into sad dog (rounding lower back) to help them understand that position. By feeling what they don’t want in the movement, they gain a better understanding of what they do want.

We know what a “good” squat feels like from experiencing a “bad” squat. When our knees dive inward at the bottom of a squat, and we feel less stable, then we learn to keep our knees out.

When performing a deadlift with a rounded back, and we feel that pressure on our lower back, then we understand more clearly what tall and tight should feel like in a deadlift.

When we try out a diet plan that doesn’t work for us, then we’re one step closer to finding something that does work for us.

 

You Don’t Always Get What You Want in Life, and That’s Okay

At times things won’t go our way—or anywhere close to our way—but that doesn’t mean that situation isn’t valuable. Sometimes we can directly take a failure and turn it into a future success, but other times, it shines a light on what we don’t want. Our experiences throughout life serve as a compass for us to follow. It shows us the path towards the things that we do want, while steering us away from the things we don’t want.