Is living a life of no regrets what we should strive for? Or could not having regrets hinder us from truly living?
Sure, the notion of living a life of no regrets sounds peachy keen when said aloud, but, that’s not an ideal worth aiming for. If we truly had no regrets, then did we live a life worth living? Having no regrets would mean always picking the safe choice and doing the things we know we’re 100% capable of achieving. Which yes, always ensuring you’re successful might feel good in the moment, but we’re leaving a ton of opportunity on the table by only making comfortable choices.
Regretting something, especially depending on what that thing or event is, can really hurt or feel uncomfortable. But that feeling of discomfort is an important seed for growing. As a friend once told me, “Grow through things you go through.”
Dr. Brene Brown once said,
“No regrets doesn’t mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe that you have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with your life.”
Regrets are a crucial part of living a fulfilled life, much like failure is. They can hinder us from reaching our goals or they can be used to help us. The choice is up to us based on how we decide to view our feelings towards regret. We can choose to view regret not as a hinderance to us, but as a tool that allows us to mine our past for valuable information to propel us forward in life.
In this crazy journey through life we’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to make a lot of them at that, and that’s okay. We’re only human and doing the best we can. What’s important is taking these mistakes and learning what we can from them so that we:
- don’t repeat them going forward
- can gain valuable insight to help us in the future
Let’s say you used to be physically active but you let that habit of exercising slip. You regret that because you used to enjoy strength training and how it made you feel. That feeling of regret presents you with two options which are:
- do nothing about it and don’t exercise
- do something about it and start to exercise
If you choose to do nothing, then is sitting with that regret and not taking action helping you, or is it hurting you? It’s a call to action that’s worth listening to. Think about it, what’s worse? Regretting something because you tried and failed, or regretting that you never tried at all? Failing while trying may stink but it’s helpful because it presents us with a lesson to learn from. It better prepares us to handle future challenges. Failing while not trying stinks too but gives us no benefit.
Going with the example of feeling regret towards not exercising, we can use it as a tool to help us. Michael Hyatt refers to regrets as “…a powerful indicator of future opportunity.” If you’ve been successful with exercising in the past, then there is a lesson to learn there. You can think of what type of exercise you enjoyed, what time of day worked best for you to go to the gym, etc. Maybe it will help you remember why you quit exercising the last time, or what got in the way of that habit. Also, it’s evidence to show that you’re capable of starting that habit and sticking with it. If you’ve been successful before then you can be successful again.
Regret can feel scary at times because it’s an indicator that something could’ve been done better or that we messed up in some capacity. If we think of regret as a tool though, and in a positive light, then we don’t have to be afraid of them. So, ask yourself,
“What do I regret?”
Asking that question might lead to answers you didn’t know you needed.