Many people search for something transformative. They want to look different; they want to feel different; they to grow to be something more than they currently are. A lot of folks get lost as they search. On the way toward something meaningful, they get sidetracked by another thing that looks like it speeds up the growth process. It might be something shallow. Sometimes it’s simply a distraction that doesn’t align with their values and who they want to become. In either scenario, they’re left searching. They accomplish the goal and realize that it was empty. Or they never make progress because the thing they chose wasn’t meaningful enough to commit. There’s another potential scenario. It didn’t scare them enough. And so, they were left hoping somewhere in the land of nice ideas. But if they did one simple thing, their entire lives might have been different.
They should have put something hard on the calendar.
Priorities, Fear, and Meaning
I’ve been a business owner for most of my adult life. One of the toughest things to do is set priorities because when you’re responsible for everything, everything seems important. But the truth is that some actions must take priority over others. The problem is it’s hard to see that. And that problem is created by lack of context. It’s real damn hard to know which actions are important if you don’t know specifically what you’re trying to accomplish. Specificity sets priorities.
The same is true for physical, mental, and emotional transformation. That’s why so many people get lost. With no specific desire, they fall victim to a number of whims – other peoples’ opinions, errant ideas, or whatever society tells them is currently worthwhile. It all seems important, or like it could be important, so people either freeze and do nothing, or do some bullshit that doesn’t matter.
A while back we used a process called Heaven and Hell Visioning to help people get clear on what matters to them based on the worst- and best-case scenarios. They’d spend a few minutes writing out the best-case scenario – what does success look like, what does it feel like, who did you become, how did it transform your life? Then they’d spend a few minutes writing out the bleakest situation they could imagine. This was all considered within the context of training.
The heaven scenario gave them an aspirational vision. It was something they could accomplish with effort. But it wouldn’t be easy. The hell scenario gave them something to fear. As much as we’d all like the world to be a positive, cushy place, it isn’t. And we are wired to find motivation in fear. Envisioning each scenario creates the tension that psychiatrist Viktor Frankl talked about:
“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.”
When you envision the aspiration and the fear you create the tension because there is meaning. Without meaning, there is no tension because you don’t give a shit. The goal sets the context for each condition.
Put Something Hard on the Calendar
For eight months I watched Chris Merritt strive and struggle toward a goal that was worthy of him. He talked to me about his aspirations; and he shared his fears with me. Most impressively, and most importantly, he threw himself into a process that helped him move toward his aspirations and away from his fears. A meaningful goal condensed life into something simpler, and he did what he had to do each day to move himself forward. Everyone at Beyond Strength was inspired by watching him take it all on.
None of it would have happened without him jumping in and putting something hard on the calendar. He knew that he needed a challenge for reasons meaningful to him. Then he took it on. And after eight months of preparation and completing a 74-mile race faster than he anticipated, he’s a different man. I’d dare say a better one, even with him being one of the best men I’ve ever known.
If you want to transform, listen to Viktor Frankl’s words and emulate Chris Merritt’s actions.
Put something hard on the calendar.
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