“Few things in life shape you more than the people around you, and few choices are more important than deciding who you’ll be with” – Eric Greitens
Who do you spend your time with? What type of people are they? Do they lift you up and add value to your life? Or, do they bring you down and hold you back? We spend countless hours with countless people over the course of our lives. What we don’t always realize though, or aren’t always cognizant of, is the importance of who we spend our time with.
When you read those questions in the last paragraph, maybe you pictured your significant other, co-workers, friends, etc. Regardless of who you thought of, your close relationships in your life impact you. Sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes not so subtle, but they do impact you. This idea can be a blessing or a curse depending on who you open the door to your life to.
For example, think back to a relationship you had, or still have, with someone who was negative. Someone who didn’t believe in you, was always complaining, etc. You may notice that when you spent a lot of time around them you weren’t at your best. You weren’t as happy as you could’ve been or that they brought you down.
Negative people in our lives, be it family members, co-workers, friends, etc., are like metaphorical weights shackled to our ankles. The closer the relationship, or the greater quantity of those relationships, the more they hold us back from achieving the life we want. From becoming who we want to become. They also don’t have to be negative people per say, but sometimes people who aren’t supportive of you and how you want to change.
It’s tough to make substantial change, like weight loss, if we don’t have the support of those closest to us. We’re fighting an uphill battle if those we associate with are always pressuring us to eat out, or worse, calling us names and telling us we won’t be able to make the change. Friends asking us out to eat food with them doesn’t mean they’re bad people. They’re used to the you that eats out a lot and this change may confuse them. Either way, it does make things harder for us if those closest to us aren’t supportive of our desire to change.
Using the smoking example from the last blog, it’s going to be much more challenging to quit smoking if all our friends smoke. If they are constantly asking us if we want to smoke the pressure would feel immense. These relationships can be weighing us down and holding us back without us realizing it.
When we cut those ties from our lives we’re also cutting those shackles on our ankles away as well. Life gets better when we choose the right people to let into our life. And it is a choice. The people we spend our time with is our choice because it’s our life. Time is our most valuable asset and me must spend it wisely. I’ve learned this time and time again the hard way.
Personally, there have been a few people in my life in the last couple years, that in hindsight, weren’t good for me. At that time though, even though part of me felt it wasn’t right, I ignored those feelings and let those relationships last. Honestly, I was scared to not have those relationships and chose to let my own light be dimmed. I chose to keep those shackles attached to my ankles when I could have and should have removed them. I felt trapped, yet, it was my choice to stay trapped.
Eventually though, I knew the me I wanted to become couldn’t become reality with those individuals around. I consciously chose to remove these individuals from my life and haven’t regretted any of those decisions.
In the moment I made those calls, to end those relationships, I felt a heavy burden. But after I cut ties with those individuals I felt a weight had been lifted. Now, am I saying you have to start cutting ties with people in your life? Of course not, because I don’t know your situation and ending a relationship isn’t always the answer. Sometimes, we must limit our time with certain individuals too.
Jeff Olson says, “…casual relationships deserve casual time —not quality time.” We don’t have to spend time with people who bring us down and make us feel like crap about ourselves, or at least, we can limit our time with them. We can choose to spend our time with those who are deserving of it.
As important as limiting time with individuals or groups that bring us down is, or ending relationships in certain cases, it’s even more important to be aware of who we choose to let into our life in the first place. We don’t have to open the door for others to enter our lives if we know deep down they aren’t good for us.
Eric Greitens writes, “It’s been said that the deepest relationships are formed not when two people are looking at each other, but when two people are looking in the same direction.”
Jeff Olson puts it another way when he says, “You know why birds of a feather flock together? Because they’re all heading in the same direction. Look at the people with whom you flock, the company you keep: what destination are they headed for? And is that where you want to be headed?”
Looking through the lens of identity, are the people you surround yourself with helping you become who you want to become? If you want to become stronger, more active, etc., then find individuals who emulate that quality. This is why one of the best things about BSP NOVA is the amazing community of individuals here who support each other. We have members who have come in to watch another member’s daughter so they could workout. We’ve had members help another member with an exercise while a coach was briefly tied up helping someone else.
We all need people in our lives who are there for us when we need them. The kind that would come help us if our car broke down at 1 am. People who are a joy to be around and whom we always have a good time with. And we need people who challenge us in healthy ways to be better. Ones who, if we’re slacking off on our responsibilities, don’t say to us, “oh, it’s okay, you’ve had a rough day just relax.” They sympathize with us sure, but they call us out for not doing what we’re supposed to. I hope reading those last few sentences reminded you of people in your lives that are good for you. We need them.
What we don’t need are people who drag us through the mud. Who put a damper on our mood because they complain and see the worst in everything. The people who don’t support us and don’t want to see us become successful. Jon Gordon calls these individuals “energy vampires,” and for good reason. I hope you don’t have a ton of people like that in your life, because they truly do and can drain us.
Remember, keeping those people around, or not, is a choice. Your choice. Limiting your time with these individuals or spending more time with those that bring out the best in you, is your choice.
This can’t be overstated: if you’re trying to take your life in a positive direction then be mindful of who you spend your time with. It’s your choice with who you open the door to your life to.
Now, can you or should you cut certain relationships out of your life? Should you limit your time with certain people? I don’t know. I can’t answer that for you. All I can do is shine the light of awareness on the importance of who we spend our time with. It’s usually affecting us more than we realize and it’s crucial to examine these relationships if we have a vision of where we want to go. So, I’ll close this with the same question,
Who are you spending your time with?
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