“We all need something to struggle against and to struggle for. The aim in life is not to avoid struggles, but to have the right ones; not to avoid worry, but care about the right things; not to live without fear, but to confront worthy fears with force and passion.” – Eric Greitens
Have you ever felt lost? Not a lost in the woods with no compass or GPS lost, but the kind where days feel meaningless? Like you don’t know what to do. Maybe you feel lost right now. Living each day, hour by hour, minute by minute, just going through the motions. One day blends into the next one.
Our life used to be lived by the calendar—Monday through Sunday. Now though, it can feel like this:
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
If we are without work, then we have lost some of our purpose. Not to mention the stress of losing our job in general, and the financial worries of making ends meet.
If we no longer have access to the gym, our purpose and drive to exercise may have dwindled as well.
And if we’re feeling lost, unsure of what to do each day, then it begs a question: how do we get unlost?
How do we go from feeling like a piece of poo to a piece of success?
It may seem counterintuitive, but though these times are challenging, sometimes challenge is what we need.
Challenge gives us purpose.
But before I talk about the importance of challenge, I want to address something else first: comfort.
It’s Okay to Not Be Okay—And It’s Okay to Be Challenged
There is a common sentiment that has been passed around recently: since what we are going through is challenging, it’s okay to take it easy. That it’s okay to not be okay.
This is all true.
When hard times come, sadness may ensue, and that’s okay. It’s normal to be affected by a tough situation.
We’re allowed to feel how we feel, to not be okay, to feel meh. That’s totally and utterly fine.
But, what’s the time limit here?
Do we take an hour? A day? Three days? There is no exact answer. None.
While there is no exact answer on how long we should take to cope with the current events, it can definitely be taken too far. When we relax for too long.
Sure, if you are struggling and dealing with a particularly bad day, it’s okay to take some time if needed. Watch some Netflix. Play some games.
If you’re stressed out the wazoo—your kids are home now and you work from home and the gym is closed—wanting to take it easy is a natural reaction.
But it’s not always helpful.
This situation has and will continue for some time. We don’t know how long the ramifications of COVID-19 will last.
Days?
Weeks?
Months?
Longer?
Curl up in the fetal position, watch some Gray’s Anatomy, and chill for a bit. Go for it if it’s what you need. But eventually, to get back to living a full life, to get unlost, we need something more—purpose.
Challenge can help with that. And it’s our choice to choose comfort or challenge.
We don’t have to take on new, additional challenges to the one’s that COVID-19 has presented us. We don’t have to be productive today—nor do we tomorrow. But it could help us; it could help us tremendously.
Don’t take my word for it—read the following story about a veteran who, while already working hard to get his life back after Iraq, found help through challenge.
Sometimes You Give Challenge to Someone Who’s Challenged
“In our work, we don’t give things to veterans to ease their pain; we put a challenge in front of them to rebuild their purpose.” – Eric Greitens
Eric Greitens, former Navy SEAL and founder of Mission Continues (a non-profit that helps veterans once home), shares the story of a veteran named Tim Smith in his book Resilience.
Tim served in the 1st Armored Division in Iraq. While serving, he worked with a phenomenal team and had purpose.
While there, he suffered numerous injuries and saw friends wounded—and some killed.
When Tim came home to the States the battle continued. He was dealing with some physical and psychological injuries from Iraq, on top of not having work. Tim also had a wife and two kids to worry about.
As Eric said, “He had a lot of time to think and not a lot to do.” Sound familiar to some of us? He had more time, less purpose. Though Tim eventually found work at the post office, all was not better yet.
Tim still woke in the middle of the night to check for his rifle under his bed.
It was clear to his wife, his friends, his community, that Tim was in pain. He was struggling.
So, what did Eric say to Tim?
Eric asked him, “How are you going to continue to serve?”
Probably not what you’d expect, right?
Seems counterintuitive. To ask someone who is doing so much to do a little more. It was, in Eric’s words, “the first time since he’d been home that someone had respected him enough to challenge him.”
Eric goes on to say, “Sometimes—not always, but sometimes—you fight fire with fire. You meet pain with pain. You give a challenge to someone who’s challenged, and he grows stronger.”
“But that’s an extreme example, Tommy! I haven’t served. How does that help me?” you may be thinking.
Perhaps a story from a friend of mine, who I’ll call Willy, can help. He’s dealing with the COVID-19 situation like all of us.
Too Much Comfort, Not Enough Challenge
Willy’s life has been impacted by COVID-19. In particular, he lost his source of income. And with that loss came another—his sense of purpose. Jobless and purposeless, he didn’t know what to do.
Is seeking comfort a good idea?
In his case it wasn’t. Willy tried that. At first, taking some time and creating space was good.
But then it persisted. Days passed. Then a week. He kept going through the motions; he kept taking it easy.
This didn’t help. It hurt him. Too much comfort, not enough challenge.
He felt lost, and you don’t get unlost by standing around and relaxing. You move. Act. Get going.
Fast forward a few weeks into the pandemic and something crucial happened.
Willy was asked by a family member to make a face mask for them, which he did happily; it gave him something to do. He decided to post about it in a Facebook group of his, and people loved it. They sent in requests to have some made for them too.
Willy had purpose now. He had a challenge—to make a smorgasbord of masks for people in need.
This not only provided some needed income but, as important, filled his life with purpose and his days with meaning.
Comfort helped Willy initially. But ultimately, challenge helped him navigate those woods he was lost in.
To be clear: challenge to do more, to be more, isn’t always the right answer. Neither is always relaxing and taking it easy when hard times hit. But without purpose, we’ll feel lost.
We’re wandering around in the woods without a compass; purpose is that compass.
And challenge is important for one more reason: life will smack us in the face again, but if we grow stronger, and more resilient, we can be better prepared for it.
Shit Will Hit The Fan Again
Look. Whether we like it or not, shit hit the fan when this COVID-19 stuff started. Crap got on our clothes, on the floor, on furniture.
Nasty.
But what do we do? Sit there covered in shit? You could, but I hope you don’t.
We take time.
The time we need to be okay—meaning, we clean the floor and our clothes, wipe the fan off, and take a shower. Then, we seek challenge to help us grow stronger.
Why?
Because it’s not going to be the last time shit hits the fan—life will make sure it isn’t. Life has a crappy sense of humor that way.
We can either be prepared for those times or not. We can be ready, or not.
Maybe we buy an umbrella. Maybe we wear a hat and sunglasses. Or a hazmat suit.
We can choose to grow stronger, to cultivate resilience, to seek challenge over comfort—not all the time but sometimes—to prepare us for life’s shitty moments.
It’s our choice.
So, if you’re feeling lost, if the days blend together without any meaning in them, then maybe you need challenge. To find purpose. To find fulfillment in a worthwhile task.
And while I can’t give you that task, but I can ask you a couple of questions.
If relaxing and taking it easy hasn’t been enough, then how can you challenge yourself?
What can you do, right now, to move your life in a positive direction?
Challenge or comfort? The choice is yours.