“You must first accept that while there are things that have happened in your life that you had no say in, you are 100 percent responsible for what you do with your life in the aftermath of those events. Always, every time, no excuses.” -Gary John Bishop

 

You’re responsible for where you are in your life. You’re responsible for not achieving your goals. For getting done, or not getting done, what you needed to get done. For not being who you want to be. You’re responsible, and that’s a wonderful thing.

If we take ownership of, and responsibility for, our life, then we have control. When we have control, we have power. Once this simple fact is accepted, that we have control over our life’s path, then we can act. But we must be cautious, because if we’re not careful, blame can rear its ugly head. 

It’s far easier to blame someone or something else than it is to admit we are responsible. That we could have done better. To admit that we have control over what happens next, because with that comes a potential for failure. And we often we use blame as a scapegoat to avoid facing this reality of doing the hard, honest work.  

 

If we use blame

If we use blame then we don’t have to take risks and face possible failure, because we have absolved ourselves of any responsibility in the outcome. Blame makes us feel good about ourselves because when things don’t work out, we tell ourselves, “It wasn’t my fault.” And that’s scary.  

Scary because, in telling ourselves that, we have given up control. If we’re the captain of our ship and we have control of the helm, then we can steer our life in the direction we want. But, if we choose to blame external sources instead, then we’re at the mercy of what happens. We’ve let go control of the helm, so we can make excuses and blame things when our ship goes the wrong way. We blame the wind for hitting the sails at an angle we don’t want, the waves pushing us left when we want to go right, when, we could just take control of the helm.

 

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” -Anthony Brown

 

Would you willingly give up your power?

Would you willingly give up your power? To be pushed around by other people and life? To have no say in your life? When asked this way I hope you would choose to keep that power, to not get pushed around, to have a say, but unfortunately through blame, this isn’t always the case. We play the victim card and use blame to ease the pain of accepting we could have done more. And this may ease our present pain, but it does nothing to prevent future hurt.  

Didn’t get the job you wanted? The recruiter didn’t know what he was doing. Relationship not workout? Your ex was too needy and didn’t know how to communicate. It was their fault. Want to go to the gym but got stuck in traffic? Guess it wasn’t in the cards to workout today. We feel we were dealt a bad hand by life and so we accept that our life isn’t what we wanted. We waste away wishing and wanting instead of acting and achieving.

Instead of taking the helm and steering our life in a better direction, we just accept where we are at. We settle. We become complacent. We do nothing and sometimes expect things to change. But nothing will change until something changes. And something can’t change without control and acceptance of our responsibility for our life.

Unhappy with your job? That’s on you. Unhappy in a relationship, or with your health? For not reaching your goals and being the person you want to be? That’s on you. Now, I don’t say this to be harsh but it’s true.

Sometimes we are afraid of this power and responsibility. If we work towards something and don’t achieve it, then that’s on us, if we even admit that. Sometimes we resort to blame right away and miss this opportunity for growth.

Say you haven’t worked out in a few years and you’ve put on a few extra pounds. You notice that it’s getting harder and harder to do the simple things each day. You’re struggling to go up a few flights of stairs, to tie your shoes, and you think, “This sucks, this shouldn’t be this hard.” But, that reality is that it is. This situation places you at a fork in the road. Do you choose the path of blame that makes things easier for today, or the path towards responsibility and control, which sets you up for the future?

 

Let’s say you walk the path of blame. You say to your friends, “Well, I’d workout more if only…” or, “I’d eat better if only…” and so the excuses stockpile. This blame only serves as a band-aid to ease your pain in the present moment and make you feel better. It does nothing though to help make actual change occur, and it does more than just not help, it hinders us. We blame other people and things when the person to blame is ourselves.

 

“Excuses protect you, but they exact a heavy cost. You can’t live a full life while you wear them.” -Eric Greitens

 

Take the other route

If we take the other route which is that of accepting control and responsibility for our life, then things can change. Sure, accepting that we have gained some extra weight and struggle with daily tasks is a tough pill to swallow at first, but swallow that pill we must. Because once this is accepted we can get started. We can hire a coach to help us get started in the gym. We stop blaming traffic for preventing us from getting to the gym and instead leave earlier or later than normal.

Where once we let the winds of life control our ship and push it to and fro, now we stand at the helm. No matter how life unfolds we choose to make the most of it. We choose responsibility over blame.

So, who is to blame? I hope you see by now that in a way, we are to blame for our life. We can choose to take responsibility and control of our life. We’re to blame, because we’re responsible, and that’s great. So next time life deals you a tough hand and you feel the deck is stacked against you, remember, you’re responsible for the direction your life takes.