Chicago traffic sped by. We weaved through cars and accelerated through cross streets. We’d stop at traffic lights and the L clamored by, protesting against patience along with the car horns and people shouting out driver’s side windows. I sat in the backseat, enthralled.

“That’s it, honey. You can’t just take up space. You gotta do something with your life. That’s the rent you pay for being here.”, my Uber driver said that as she stole glances at me in the rearview mirror. 

She told me about her daughter who would soon graduate from high school. In her mother’s eyes, the girl lacked direction. The mother’s love poured into our conversation. I could feel how badly she wanted her daughter to live a big, purposeful, fun, fulfilling, and happy life. She wanted her daughter to do something worthwhile, and to enjoy her life while she did it.

 

 

I was happy to have the conversation. Each person has a story to tell, and so many are shared with strangers willing to ask and listen; the car and the mind’s eye combine to form the stage of life’s great dramas. I will always ask and always listen.

 

When we got to my friend Mike’s house, I got out of the car and gave the woman the fullest thanks I’d ever given to a driver. She drove off, taking her thoughts, dreams, and wishes with her. And I took with me the words I’d been looking for to give life to my purpose and define what Simon Sinek calls your “Why.”

 

Pay Your Rent

 

I said it to myself. Then I said it to myself again, and I repeated it for the rest of the night. I wrote about it before I went to sleep, and I woke up knowing, this is it. My purpose is to pay my rent, and I do it by following two values innate to my personality.

 

I’d do interesting things, and I’d take those interesting things and turn them into something useful for myself and others. 

 

I’ve done my best to live it out, to make it real in the world. 

 

Living it gives me clarity. It’s moved what’s unimportant to the fringes of my life or out of it. I know, mostly, why I do what I do. And the whole deal made me happier.

 

Not everyone needs to have a serendipitous Chicago Uber ride to put words to their why. But I recommend spending the effort to cultivate your purpose. Science agrees.

 

 

Purpose, Happiness, and Longevity: A Few Words from Science

Cultivate–what a purposeful word. The original meaning is, “to prepare and use land for crops and gardening.” The secondary definition is, “try to acquire or develop a quality, sentiment, or skill.” We’ve known for millennia that we reap what we sow, the good and the bad. Take care of your garden, and it takes care of you. Neglect it and it dies, and your food along with it. We have a species-level memory that’s bred this truth into all of us. But in so many ways we ignore it.

 

I have to find myself.

 

I have to find my purpose.

 

We so often say things like this as if who we are and what is purposeful to us floats somewhere in the air, and we must scour the earth, net in hand, to scoop it up and hold it. That’s the way it must be, right? There must be some magic to it, otherwise, it’d be easy; we wouldn’t be so confused about who we are and what we’re doing here. Then the truth in our collective memory reminds us: the garden that is watered, grows. 

 

 

We don’t find purpose. We cultivate it.

 

As researchers found, doing and reflecting is what reveals our purpose. Purpose is a practice during which we act on our values and then reflect on our actions. We learn what is meaningful by doing. The result is an increase in happiness, or as science defines it, an increase in positive emotion.

 

Other researchers found when people feel a sense of purpose, they feel better. Those specific feelings are contentment, relaxation, enthusiasm, and joy. Negative emotions are abated. When we feel a sense of purpose, we’re more resistant to anger, sadness, and anxiety. 

 

You might be familiar with Blue Zones. These are regions where people live the longest, healthiest lives, often over 100 years. Apart from similarities in diet and community connection, Blue Zones have another commonality. Members of Blue Zone communities feel a sense of purpose.

 

Okinawa, Japan is one of the five Blue Zones. The people there have a word, ikigai. It means a passion that gives joy to life. I read the book, Ikigai, a few years ago. It tells stories of elderly folks that fished every day to feed their families. It tells about others that maintained a flower garden. But each person had an ikigai that organize their time, bringing them joy and contentment. And their lives remain full as they outlive the rest of the world.

 

 

There is no finding purpose, there is only cultivating it. And where you cultivate, happiness and longevity grow.

 

But how do you cultivate purpose?

 

 

5 Tools for Cultivating Purpose

You can’t garden without tools. As such, you can’t cultivate purpose without them either. Here are five things you can do to cultivate purpose.

 

1. Realize that your purpose is your purpose. There is no purpose too minuscule if it is meaningful to you. Don’t feel as though you must connect your actions to some grandiose outcome like ending world hunger. Many people stop cultivating their purpose before they get started because they believe what they value isn’t meaningful enough. If it’s meaningful to you, it’s meaningful enough. And it might change over time.
2. Scan your values. What do you love? What do you hold dear? What are those things you do that make you feel connected to yourself and everyone else? What makes you feel indignation? Answer these questions, and you find your values. And in finding your values you find the actions that will help you define your purpose.
3. Practice. Set a purpose for the day or for the hour. Try doing it for a workout. Before you start, ask yourself, “Why am I doing this workout today?” Truth is, we only have the present moment. Giving that moment purpose is as meaningful a thing as can be done.
4. Understand that there are different levels of purpose and that you’ll have more than one. While it’s great to have a unifying purpose that organizes your entire life, you likely have different reasons for your actions in the adjoining parts of your life. Note the purpose of the different parts of your life. Why do you work your job? Why do you workout? Why do you enjoy your hobbies?
5. Write a mission statement. Mine is to pay my rent. My Uber driver gifted me the words I’d been looking for. But writing it out on your own is a helpful exercise. If writing a mission statement for your entire life feels too big, start with one aspect of your life.

 

My serendipitous experience in Chicago wasn’t just a lightning-strike epiphany, it was the product of attention. It was the result of doing and living. That’s what we all have to do to find purpose. We can’t sit around and conjure it. We live and pay attention to what feels meaningful. Do, live, and cultivate your purpose. You’ll be happier and longer-lived for the effort.

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